The Pursuit

There is a pursuit in the things of God that drives you to succeed at all costs.
It pushes you to the limits of your capacity, your sanity, your purity and even your faith in God.
I’ve seen this pursuit drive men and women to achieve things way beyond their ability.
Some have ruined other people, their reputations, their families and even their lives in this pursuit.
Preacher and musician alike have risen to dizzying heights touching millions in their ascent.
But they have done things-even great things.

And then I have seen another pursuit in the things of God.
I have seen some seek for purity and serenity of the soul with a heated passion.
I have seen some drive themselves to the limit with much scourging of the flesh through prayer and fasting and self denial.
Some have passed up opportunities for wealth and personal success while family members have shaken their heads in disbelief.
Some have brought themselves to penury and disdain and lived willingly with the lowest of the low, serving diligently.
But their white hot passion and love for God has been undeniable.

It is rare in the first instance, to find people with a passion like that of the second.
It is even rarer still in the second instance, to find people with the outcomes of the first.
When I pursued the first, I gained notoriety and reached heights my peers only dreamed of.
But I left broken people in my wake, and my soul was uncovered as wretched.
When I pursued the second, I found a knowledge of the Divine that was sublimely serene.
But I found my faith for sustenance tested and a forlorn yearning for earthly respite.

So I am learning to find balance-if there is one.
To live precariously between the two pursuits.
For both have their place perhaps not for everyone, but certainly for me.

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